being seen
a fine line between keeping our stories and keeping the village alive
Humans have been able to thrive because of stories. Our collective narratives, translated into folklore, traditions, epics, myths, songs around the fire, and poems, allowed us to stay together, learn, innovate, and survive the harsh design of nature. Stories inspire us, connect us, and make us feel something. They remind us that we are not alone on this huge island in the middle of the sea, after all.
Recently, a university classmate shared her experience in law school: how she sent herself to school, took on odd jobs, sacrificed sleep to read cases in between classes and work, saved up whenever she could, and sustained herself through it all. It was inspiring and surprising at the same time. I was moved by the resilience and grit she showed all through those years—carrying the burden of sending herself to school all alone, law school at that. Surprising, because I knew she came from a middle-class/upper-middle-class family and they were relatively comfortable during our university years. So my assumption all these years was that she had a fun, easy, grueling yet memorable law school experience. I was wrong.
The human mind likes to assume. Whenever we encounter something that does not fit into the established categories in our mental models, we come up with connections without backed evidence. A lot of miscommunication and interpersonal challenges happen because of assumptions. I personally think it allows us to cope with the fast-changing realities of our lives and the people around us. My accountant friends would always repeat the maxim: “Never assume unless stated.” Still we continue to assume, only to relieve that little brain of ours.
And when people do not take ownership of their stories, others will. They will form connections in their mind of who, what, when, why, and how. But the lives of other people are theirs to live. I still believe that we do not owe the world our stories.
That brings me to the question: Where do we draw the line between keeping our stories for ourselves and sharing them to strengthen the village?
Lately, social media has been filled with content on “inconvenience being the price of staying in the village.” I totally agree and I love that this is being placed in the spotlight. Having a community means being there for the unholy hours and standing by even when you’d rather not—because these people would do the same for you in a heartbeat. If we keep isolating ourselves, we feed into the lies that loneliness whispers. Humans were not meant to be alone. We were meant to stay with the village. I am grateful that Filipino culture values the sense of community deeply, even though it is sometimes borderline toxic.
On the flip side, when people overly expose their personal and private life on social media, it leaves a bitter taste on the tongue. The term “clout chaser” has been designated for people who do things just for clout—the likes, the views, the engagements—even if it doesn’t reflect their true character and personality. For Filipinos, we love it when our artists, vloggers, and storytellers are vulnerable, but when we sense a tinge of “too much,” we’re quick to police their inauthenticity.
I recently came across the idea of writing from the scar. It is about telling our stories once we've found the light in the tunnel. It is different from writing from the wound—where it’s fresh, raw, unfiltered. In the wound, we are equally lost, gasping, and can’t find the way out. Honestly, people don’t know how to respond when we tell stories from a fresh wound—we often get fake positive remarks, curious onlookers, or awkward “it will get better.” Writing from the scar inspires, while writing from the wound shares the despair. I believe both stories are valid. However, if you want to take charge of the narrative and allow people to see the bigger picture after you’ve processed the experience yourself—writing from the scar seems to be the better response.
Thinking about it now, that law school journey story from my university classmate is a perfect example of writing from the scar. There was no resentment, no anger, no negative energy—just pure triumph from getting through the valley and a certain kind of warmth from being able to go through it all.
I’m taking notes from that. I still believe I do not owe the world, social media, and the greater public my stories, but if ever any of my stories provide a lesson, build confidence, or inspire others, then I’d happily share them with the world.
Would I consider writing here a form of ‘writing from the wound’? I would say yes and no. There have been really raw pieces here, especially about my heartbreaks, but I always consider writing on Substack as a written documentation of the conversations I am having with myself. If the audience takes anything from it, good for you! But first and foremost, I know that I am writing here for myself and for the liberation of my thoughts.
Do I love to be seen? I would be lying if I said no. The Instagram likes and the Substack hearts still give those dopamine hits, and that’s why I am taking a more conscious path of dealing with social media, my self-esteem, being present, and staying true to myself.
#
Weekend Recap
Movie I am watching: I am trying to watch all the movies listed in the NYT Top 100 films of the 21st Century. I started with Spirited Away and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I think it is going to be a fun ride!
Series/Anime I am watching: One Piece! Oda you are GOAT.
New Song I like: Love Me Not by Ravyn feat. Rex Orange Country
Song on Repeat: Spring Into Summer (again)
Restaurant/Coffee shop Recommendation: Been into Bowerbird’s Spanish Latte recently
Book I am currently reading: Blindness by Saramago. Intense writing bringing me back to pandemic vibes.
Current Purchase: Been thrifty this week
Tell me something New: Rest is needed!
Best thing that happened this week: Taking a sick leave on Friday to just rest because my flu has got me down bad.
Insight for this week: You would never know the other person’s story so always be kind.
Looking forward to: Be back to running this week.
See you in the next update!
—
Dear reader, thanks for sharing this leftover with me. Here’s how you can show support:
1- Leave a Like. If you enjoyed this post, please click the ❤️ below. It helps me reach more readers in Substack.
2- Spread some Love. If anything resonated with you, share it!
3- Get in Touch. If you have anything to add, comment or suggest, let me know! Leave a comment
Love this! Lalo na yung difference between writing from the wound vs writing from the scar. Something good to think about when writing! Salamat for writing this. ☺️
This was beautiful atecco 🤍🤍🤍